Three are real and two are not. Challenge yourself!
By Mack Gelber
This week's Cool Jobs are not cool at all. In fact, they're totally lame.
April Fool's!
In the spirit of the holiday, we've rounded up three cool jobs you won't believe are actually real...and added another two that are pure fiction. Can you guess which is which? Click through the jobs to find out!
What it is: Did you know that Dolly Parton basically has her own version of Chuck E. Cheese's? Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede now has three locations in the southern U.S., serving up country grub with a hearty side of crazy. It's a three-course dinner theater featuring dance numbers, bluegrass, pig races, references to southern separatism...in other words, pretty much everything except Dolly Parton. The attraction's Branston location is looking to hire dancers with horseback riding experience, because of course. Let's hope you're not doing both of those things at the same time.
> Apply for a job as a rider/dancer
What it is: Here are some of the key words of the thriving rodent surgery industry: "non-invasive;" "homeothermic warming;" "rat blood." Also, "cost-effective," because if there's one thing everyone hates, it's rodent surgery that's just too damn expensive. As a technician, you'll be tasked with tracking all animal shipments, and act as a key backup in the operating room. So to all aspiring rodent surgeons out there, we say, "Rats off!" .
..Actually, no we don't. No one should ever say that.
> Apply for a job as a rodent surgery technician
What it is: "Human beaver." That's the industry term for construction professionals tasked with building small dams and barricades. Backyard flooded with pond runoff after the last big storm? Better call the human beaver and get the situation under control! Unlike actual beavers, these workers don't use sticks and bits of driftwood, but modern materials, such as quick-drying cement, and their services can be pricey.
> Apply for a job as a human beaver
What it is: Nothing sells itself, and that's especially true of termite control products. After all, what makes your insect death-spray any better than the other guy's down the road? That's where you come in. As the resident sales inspector, it'll be up to you to keep accounts happy, whether they're new customers or longtime users of your product. Does that mean taking them out for vodka-soaked Mad Men lunches? We don't see why not!
> Apply for a job as a sales inspector - termite control
What it is: This one's for you, World of Warcraft fans. Just as you can hire seasoned pros to help you with your swimming or tennis skills, gamer trainers, or high-ranking players of popular online RPGs, are your best resource for stepping up your abilities as a knight, fire mage, or whatever you choose as your gaming avatar. The hiring team is seeking an expert to give personal lessons over Google Hangouts--but if you're curious, be ready. You'll be subject to an audition process as you go head-to-head with your potential co-workers.
> Apply for a job as a gamer trainer